


Everyone Loves Rey

by jennibrolawrence



Series: Modern Galaxy [1]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015), Star Wars Original Trilogy, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, F/F, F/M, M/M, Modern Family AU, This is pure crack, [jeb bush voice] please clap, also b99 au parks au office au, ben has a golf cart, guess its a combo of all the sitcoms out there and IT'S HILARIOUS, i am digging a bottomless hole, leave reviews i thrive off positivity and occasional hatred, no force, otp: ben/golf cart but like love-hate, seasons long, television script format, this story is going to be so long, unless you count the force propulsion of ben's golf cart
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-14
Updated: 2018-07-15
Packaged: 2019-03-04 14:07:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 5,971
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13366308
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jennibrolawrence/pseuds/jennibrolawrence
Summary: The award-winning television show, Everyone Loves Rey, now brought to you in full script format! Discover the details behind your beloved characters of the Organa-Solo-Skywalker-Naberrie-Antilles-Dameron-Kanata-Kenobi-Tico-Holdo family, and enjoy their journey together.Note: This is PURE CRACK. Written feverishly with two of my friends at like, 1 am. Enjoy.





	1. The One With The Golf Cart

Hello, readers. Yes, I am indeed writing two fics simultaneously. (Shameless plug: Go check out my coffeshop au fic after you read this chapter.)

This fic is the result of a groupchat between two of my friends and I (shoutout to Abby and Lily, thanks for again ruining my life, ps they helped with outlining and Abby came up with the idea for a sprawling modern family au fanfic)

We decided it simply could not go unwritten: who doesn’t love the idea of every sitcom mashed up into one with our favorite Star Wars characters? I apologize if this isn’t a 100% accurately formatted script format, but I’ve done the best I could and added a couple more details because tragically, this isn’t onscreen. Maybe one day. :'(

 

**EVERYBODY LOVES REY: EPISODE 1/PILOT. “THE ONE WITH THE GOLF CART”**

 

[theme song plays, something along the lines of “Dancing Queen”.]

**MONTAGE OF EACH CHARACTER: REY DANCING, FINN LAUGHING, LEIA IN THE GARDEN, HAN RANDOMLY IN AN IKEA, BEN MOODILY SITTING IN A GOLF CART IN POURING RAIN, LUKE IN A JEWELRY SHOP, WEDGE SIGHING, POE SMILING GORGEOUSLY, ROSE SWINGING A SOFTBALL BAT]**

 

_SCENE ONE: HALLWAY OUTSIDE REY'S BEDROOM_

_EARLY MORNING.  THE CAMERA ZOOMS IN ON THE LUMP UNDER THE COVERS_.

**[SUDDENLY, CAMERA GETS BUMPED]**

**LEIA** : I knew I’d regret letting you in here. Get out of the way, _(elbowing camera)_ I have a daughter who's going to miss school if she doesn't get up soon.

[ ** _CAMERA MOVES SIDEWAYS, LIKE CAMERAMAN IS SHUFFLING AWAY, MUFFLED APOLOGY]_**

 **LEIA** : Breha? Rey...there’s something special waiting outside for you.

 **REY** : _[grumbles unintelligibly]_ Mdontwanangetup.

 **LEIA** : I didn’t give birth to you on the floor of my senate office for you to stay in bed all day!

 **REY** : _[muffled]_ You're never going to stop bringing that up.

 **LEIA** : _(pulls Rey's covers back unashamedly, ignoring REY'S protests)_ All right, guess we’ll just take the car back to the dealership.

 **REY** : _[Jumps out of bed so quickly you’d forget she wasn’t even fully awake 30 seconds ago, nearly hits her head on the headboard]_ MOM! _[looks in camera, rolls eyes]_ Oh my god. Are-are you serious?

 **LEIA** : Go take a look in the driveway.

 **REY** : _[runs to window, (her room is on the first floor) starts crying when she looks out the window]_   It’s--it’s so BEAUTIFUL.

**_[CAMERA ZOOMS IN ON ORANGE CHEVROLET MALIBU, WITH A BOW PLACED ON THE FRONT; THEN PULLS BACK TO FOCUS ON LEIA IN PROFILE]_ **

**LEIA** : Perfect. _[smirks]_ Now she doesn’t have to take the bus anywhere and I don’t have to take her anywhere. I’m living the dream.

* * *

 

[SCENE 2: BREAKFAST, KITCHEN]

**[CAMERA ZOOMS IN ON HAN, WHO IS READING THE NEWSPAPER, MUMBLING ABOUT A BAD FOOTBALL SCORE AND SHAKING HIS HEAD]**

**HAN** : Yeah, the price is beautiful, alright. Shoulda gotten you a golf cart.

 **BEN** : _[sitting at table, moodily eating cheerios]_ What the hell? You got her a car? What? WHAT!?

**[CAMERA SHAKES A BIT, BACKS UP]**

**[CAMERA 2 CUTS TO A BLACK-PAINTED GOLF CART, PARKED BADLY BETWEEN TWO YELLOW SPRAY-PAINTED LINES ON THE YARD, STAYS ON THERE WHILE HAN SPEAKS HIS NEXT LINE]**

**HAN** : She actually needs a new car. She’s got that long drive to school.

**[CAMERA CUTS TO BEN, WHO IS VISIBLY UPSET]**

**BEN** : An-and I don’t!??!?!!!??

 **HAN** : You have a perfectly good golf cart outside. Great fuel economy. It’s got brakes and everything. You-you even have your own parking spot. Special-made. _[looks in camera]_

 **BEN** : _[barely concealed rage]_ It’s the worst gift you ever gave me besides being born! _[leaves table in a dramatic fury, storms to the basement]_

 **HAN** : _[to himself more than anything]_ Where did we go wrong with that kid?

**[cut to BEN, in WOOD-PANELED BASEMENT]**

Ben: God, I hate this family. I hate it. I hate my stupid golf cart. I hate my sister. I hate Dad. I hate Mom. I hate you _(to cameraman)_ _[looks at Xbox]_ I don’t hate you. God. I can’t believe she got a car.

**[FADE INTO FLASHBACK SEVERAL YEARS AGO]**

_EARLY MORNING._

_[CUT TO YOUNGER BEN’S, (PORTRAYED BY FINN WOLFHARD) HAND SLAMMING DOWN ALARM, PULLING BEDCOVERS UP. TOO EARLY FOR THIS._

_HIS MOTHER LEIA, LOOKING EXACTLY THE SAME AS NOWADAYS, BUT WITH DIFFERENT HAIR, COMES IN THE ROOM, RIPS OFF THE BED COVERS. BEN GROANS.]_

**LEIA** : Your father and I have decided to give you something very special for your sixteenth birthday. _[beams]_ Go take a look in the yard.

 **BEN** : _[rushes out door, trips over feet]_ God, I hope it’s a car. [looks in driveway] Where’s the car? M-maybe it’s in the back. That would be weird thou-OH MY _**GOD**_.

 **HAN, LESS GRAY:** _[SITTING IN DRIVERS SEAT OF GOLF CART, GRINNING ROGIUSHLY]_ Happy birthday, son.

 **BEN** : [speechless]

**//FADE BACK INTO PRESENT DAY//**

**_TALKING HEAD INTERVIEW OF BEN, HUNCHED OVER ON COUCH IN THE BASEMENT, XBOX CONTROLLER NEXT TO HIM_ **

BEN:Yeah, that was the worst day of my life. It’s only gone downhill since. I still can’t beat this guy on Call of Duty called ARMITAGE-DOMINION-HUX. What kind of name is that?

**_[CAMERA ZOOMS IN ON PAUSED VIDEO GAME, WHERE YOU CAN CLEARLY SEE BEN’S NAME IS xX-SUPREME-LEADER-KYLO-REN-Xx. LINGERS FOR A COUPLE SECONDS AWKWARDLY]_ **

* * *

_** SCENE 3, ** _

_**SOCCER FIELD BEHIND ALLIANCE HIGH SCHOOL. BOY’S SOCCER TEAM IS PRACTICING].** _

_**REY IS SITTING ON THE BLEACHERS TALKING TO HER BEST FRIEND ROSE.** _

**REY** : Oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god. ROSE. Oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god ROSE. Oh my g-

 **ROSE** : Rey, that’s the tenth time you’ve said that. What happened? _[takes Rey’s hand, camera zooms in stealthily on hands]_

 **REY** : FINNASKEDMETOPROM!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 **ROSE** : OH MY GOD. HE DID?! How did he ask? Was it cute?

**_[CAMERA CUTS TO TALKING HEAD OF FINN, WHO IS TYING HIS SOCCER CLEATS ON THE FIELD]_ **

**FINN** : What? Oh yeah. Uh, I asked Rey to prom. With like a sign and flowers and stuff. You know like how you’re supposed to do. But I asked her, uh, as a friend. But also not as a f-friend. I don’t know. Uh. I just hope it goes well.

_CAMERA CUTS TO REY AND ROSE, WITH FINN IN THE DISTANCE TALKING TO ANOTHER PLAYER_

**REY** : He asked me with this sign that said “YOU’RE OUT OF THIS WORLD! WILL YOU GO TO PROM” and he got me daisies. This is the best birthday ever!

 **ROSE** : _[smiles in response]_

**_[CAMERA CUTS TO REY’S CAR’S BACKSEAT, ZOOMING IN ON SIGN WITH GLITTER GLUE EMBLAZONED AROUND EACH LETTER, A BOX OF CHOCOLATES, AND A BUNCH OF BLUE DAISIES]_ **

**_CUT TO TALKING HEAD OF FINN:_ **

**FINN** : Mrs. Solo told me she liked daisies so I got daisies. I hope she likes them. I mean, she said yes, so I guess she likes them. I hope she likes meuuuuuh…[trails off, looks at camera suspiciously] Uh, I gotta go. I gotta go [turns around and sprints, as if he cannot get away fast enough, to the track to do laps with his team]

* * *

 

SCENE 4:

**_LIVING ROOM SCENE, LATER THAT DAY. REY, INTERVIEW, ON COUCH:_ **

**Rey** : This is the best day of my life. I got a car, I got asked to prom, I aced a test, I got asked to prom– I guess I said that twice. Does going to prom count as a date?

**_CUT TO DINNER, REY IS EATING WITH THE FAMILY._ **

**REY** : I got asked to prom today.

_[EVERYONE LOOKS UP FROM THEIR PLATES]_

**HAN** : You what?

 **LEIA** : I’m so proud. Glad. Prouglad. We’ll need to take you dress shopping, of course.

 **HAN** : Oh joy. More money being spent. Ya think I’m made out of money?

_[CAMERA CUTS TO REY, WHO ROLLS HER EYES]_

**BEN** : You spent money on a golf cart.

 **HAN** : Christ almighty amen.

 **LEIA** : [ _sighs_ ]

_**[FADES OUT] END CREDITS HALF THE SCREEN: BEN WASHING HIS GOLF CART MOODILY OUTSIDE, WHILE LEIA WATERS THE PLANTS IN THE BACK, CREDITS ROLL UP OTHER HALF** _


	2. the one with the prom dresses and questionable amazon packages

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> here is the next chapter of Everyone Loves Rey! Prom dresses and presidential posters galore!

Hi hello guys i am sorry for not updating in so long..oops...anyway this was one of my favorite to write.

Enjoy.

**COLD OPEN: SATURDAY AFTER FINN ASKS REY TO PROM**

[Ben is eating cereal, checks his watch. Leia comes into kitchen holding several packages and mail]

 **LEIA** : You’ve got mail, Ben. Wonder what it could be, more video games?

 **Ben** : Maybe it’s my new poster.

 **REY** : [enters kitchen, blearily rubbing eyes]

What’d you get?

 **BEN** : [rips open package, rare smile appears]: My Andrew Jackson poster!

 **REY, LEIA** : [stare dumbfoundedly, camera zooms in on REY]

_**/FADE OUT, THEME SONG PLAYS/** _

_[REY AND LEIA ARE STILL IN KITCHEN, BEN HAS DISAPPEARED, PRESUMABLY TO HANG UP NEW ANDREW JACKSON POSTER]_

**LEIA** : Rey, when is prom?

 **REY:** [perks up] Prom? Prom is on April 25. It’s a Saturday, which is good because then that gives Rose and Paige the entire day to get ready.

 **LEIA** : Paige? That’s Rose’s sister, right?

 **REY** : Yup. She’s a senior and total beast on the softball team. I never understood the big fuss over getting ready for dances. Like, you put a dress on...what’s the big deal?

 **LEIA** : Oh, sweetie. We’re going dress shopping this afternoon and that's final. Prom is in three weeks!

 **REY** : [look of horror]

_[CAMERA ZOOMS IN ON LEIA, FAILING TO HOLD BACK A SMIRK]_

**LEIA** : Yes. Shopping. Dresses. Hasn’t Rose tried introducing you to this stuff?

 **REY** : A couple times. Eight or nine.

 **LEIA** : This is prom.

 **REY** : Junior prom.

 **LEIA** : Prom nonetheless!

 **REY** : Can’t you just like, buy me a dress? Send me pictures of ones you think are good?

 **LEIA** : [long-suffering sigh] Breha, darling….the whole point of dress shopping is to make sure the dress fits.

 **HAN** : [enters, wearing bathrobe and slippers] What did I miss?

 **REY** : Your son is a fan of a genocidal maniac.

 **HAN** : What else is new?

_[LEIA SMIRKS, REY SHRINKS BACK]_

**LEIA** : We are going DRESS SHOPPING.

 **HAN** : [sighs, opens newspaper]

* * *

 

SCENE TWO: TALKING HEAD, REY, SITTING ON COUCH: It’s-its not that I don’t like wearing clothes. I’m all for wearing clothes, actually. I just...don’t like….shopping for them.

[CAMERA ZOOMS IN ON CLOSET THAT IS VERY FULL, LINGERS]

 **REY** : [hastily] Uh...Rose got me those. Yeah. Totally. I’m not scared to try dresses on. That would be stupid….Why am I telling you this?

/CUT TO LEIA’S SUV REY, SITTING STONILY IN CAR WITH LEIA DRIVING GLEEFULLY]

/CUT TO DRESS SHOP ONE/

 **LEIA** , TALKING TO POE DAMERON: [AN ALARMINGLY HANDSOME TWENTY-SOMETHING] I think something in blue would be nice.

 **POE** : Uh...what shade?

 **LEIA** : Blue. Uh….like Microsoft Word blue? 

 **POE** : I...I’ll see what we have.

 **REY** : [squinting] Do I know you from somewhere? I feel like I've seen you before.

 **POE** : I definitely do not know you. Or your brother. I have never seen your brother anywhere, ever. [disappears into back of store]

 **Rey** : Okaaaaaay.

 **LEIA** , OBLIVIOUS TO THIS ENTIRE EXCHANGE: How do you feel about blue, Rey?

 **REY** : I kind of like green. Or orange. But not together.

 **Leia** : Of course not.

 **POE** : [REAPPEARS WITH 4 DRESSES]

Here ya go. Don’t say hi to your brother for me.

 **LEIA** : Oh, right! You and Ben went to school together, didn’t you?

 **POE** : We still go to school together.

 **LEIA** : You know you’re welcome any time. You want to come to dinner tonight?

 **REY** : Mom!

 **POE** : Sure. Wouldn’t say no to free food.

 **REY** : Ugh. Okay, give me those dresses.

_**[REY COMES OUT OF CHANGING ROOM, WEARING A BLUE ONE-SHOULDER DRESS]** _

**LEIA** : No.

 **REY** : [rolls eyes] This is only the first one.

 **LEIA** : Exactly.

 **REY** : I’m going to prom, not getting married.

_[GOES BACK INTO DRESSING ROOM]_

_[POE IS TAKING DRESSES OFF RACK OUTSIDE DRESSING ROOMS]:_

**POE, WHISPERING** : You only go to prom once, you know.

 **REY** , FROM BEHIND CURTAIN: What are you still doing he-

 **POE** : I work here.

 **REY** : [hushed] So you do do other things than sell oregano to my brother.

 **POE** : That’s harsh, man. I can’t believe he told you that.

 **REY** : He- he doesn’t know it’s oregano.

 **POE** : [snickers]

_**OUTSIDE CHANGING ROOM** _

**LEIA** : What could possibly be taking her so long?

_REY, COMES OUT WEARING ANOTHER BLUE DRESS, THIS TIME IT’S MUCH SHORTER_

**LEIA** : No. Too short.

 **REY** : Good. I can barely walk without this thing riding up.

_/SEVERAL DRESSES LATER/_

**REY** : Can we try something green?

 **LEIA, SIGHING** : Sure.

 **POE** : I’ll get you a couple options.

 **REY** : I don’t get why we had to go to a boutique. It’s so...bougie.

[CAMERA ZOOMS IN ON STORE SIGN, SAYING “BOUGIE’S BOUTIQUE”]

 **LEIA** : I wanted to treat you to something nice. It’s your prom–

 **REY** : Junior prom.

 **LEIA** : -- _junior_ prom, and I also wanted to do something just us.

 **REY** : Oh. Yeah. It is kind of nice, having, uh, just you. [looks in camera] You guys are cool too.

 **POE, HOLDING A GREEN DRESS** : I think you’ll like this.

 **LEIA** , CHECKING PRICE TAG: Han won’t like it.

 **REY** : I’ll just try it. [COMES OUT OF CHANGING ROOM, IS A TOTAL VISION IN GREEN]

 **LEIA** : Oh my. My darling, beautiful Breha.

 **POE** : Not bad.

 **REY** : I wasn’t asking you. Do you think Finn will like it, Mom?

 **LEIA** : He won’t remember his own name for twenty-four hours after he’s seen you in it.

 **REY** : I won’t ask for anything for my birthday or Christmas ever again.

 **LEIA** : You say that now…. Mr. Dameron, we’ll take this dress. [POE WALKS THEM TO REGISTER, PUTS DRESS IN BAG]

/CUT TO KITCHEN OF THE SOLO HOME/

 **HAN** : You paid _what_?

 **LEIA** : It wasn’t that bad. Rey said we don’t have to get her anything for birthdays or Christmas ever again.

 **HAN** : Sure, let’s take a second mortgage out on a prom dress. [LEIA LOOKS IN CAMERA, ROLLS EYES]

* * *

 

SCENE **THREE:**

_/LATER THAT NIGHT, JUST BEFORE DINNER/_

[DOORBELL RINGS]

 **REY** : I'll get it, Dad!

[DOOR OPENS, IT IS POE]

 **POE** : Hey. Long time no see. 

 **REY** : I didn't tell Ben you were coming. Can't wait to see his face.

 **BEN** : Who's he-oh my _god_. It's you.

 **POE** : [smirking] The one and only.

 **BEN** : How did you...why are you here?

 **REY** : He's the one who sold us the prom dress.

 **BEN** : So you do things other than deal?

 **POE** : I wouldn't call it _dealing_.

 **BEN** : I paid you like $20! For one tiny bag!

 **REY** : [barely concealed laughter]

LEIA, CALLING FROM KITCHEN: Dinner's ready!

* * *

 

[EVERYONE, EATING SILENTLY]

 **HAN** : So ... how about them Bears?

 

 **BEN** : Dad, it's not even football season.

 **REY** : Shut up, Ben. You own an Andrew Jackson poster. You have no room to talk.

 **BEN** : He was a military genius! What does he have to do with football anyway?

 **REY** : I don't know. But you still don't have room to talk.

 **POE** : Uh...guys, I'm right here.

 **LEIA** : [sighs]

* * *

 

**END CREDITS, HALFWAY UP SCREEN, OTHER HALF OF SCREEN FEATURING BEN APPLYING HIS POSTER TO HIS WALL USING SUPERGLUE]**

 

**Hope you liked that installment. I have up through chapter 40 somewhat outlined (credit to my friends Abby and Lily for brainstorming most of them with me)...stay tuned. If I update at my current rate, the fic should be done by 2042.**

**Next chapter, Finn goes bowtie shopping and the gang gets ready for prom.**


	3. The One Where They Slowdance At Prom

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> prom 2k-whatever-year-you-want-it-to-be.

HIII WOW SORRY FOR DISAPPEARING FOR A MONTH OOPS ANYWAY….HERE IS THE PROM CHAPTER!!!! Also we get introduced to a new character ;))) 

* * *

 

_COLD OPEN: **BEN** IS IN THE WOOD-PANELED BASEMENT, PLAYING CALL OF DUTY AND DRINKING SOMETHING OUT OF A PURPLE SODA CAN._

**REY** ENTERS, CARRYING LAUNDRY BASKET.

 **REY** : What the hell is that?

 **BEN** : Call of Du- oh, it’s grape ginger ale.

 **REY** : [face contorts]

 **BEN** : Say what you will. It empowers me to play long video game campaigns.

 **REY** : That’s disgusting. _[WE GET THE VIBE THAT SHE’S TALKING ABOUT BOTH THE GAME AND THE DRINK]_

**/THEME SONG/**

_SCENE 1: [KITCHEN, SATURDAY MORNING; ROSE SLEPT OVER]_

**ROSE** : Rey, where do you keep the fun cereal?

 **REY** : Oh, we keep it on the top of the pantry. Mom thinks if she can’t reach it she won’t be tempted to eat it.

 **ROSE** : [stands on chair, retrieves Cheerios from top of pantry shelf] This-this isn’t fun cereal.

 **REY** : Hey, it’s not raisin bran.

 **ROSE** : [EYEROLL] So how long is it going to take to do your hair? We only have _ten_ hours before we all go out to dinner.

 **REY** : Ten hours?! My hair will take like, 30 minutes. I’m doing a side pony and a headband.

 **ROSE** : Noooooooo. Rey. Rey, no. You are not doing a side pony for PROM.

 **REY** : Just because you’re going to take six hours to do your hair doesn’t mean I have to.

 **ROSE** : Hahahahaha. Joke’s on you, because I booked us HAIR APPOINTMENTS for 10 am. Eat up, we have to go soon.

[CAMERA ZOOMS IN ON REY, WHO IS HORRIFIED]

**//SCENE 2:  1PM, HAIR SALON//**

**REY** [SITTING ANGRILY IN SALON CHAIR. HAIR IN MANY CURLERS]: I hate you. Friendship revoked.

 **ROSE** : [smugly] Finn’s going to love it.

**// 2PM, HAIR SALON //**

**REY** [MOOD GREATLY IMPROVED; STANDING AT COUNTER, HAIR DONE UP, IT IS EXTREMELY 2006 PROM BUT SHE MAKES IT LOOK GOOD]: Man. You guys did a great job. Wow. It’s _rock hard_.

 **ROSE** : Yeah, it’s so your curls won’t fall out while you’re bopping to Since U Been Gone.

REY: They’re not going to play Since U Been Gone at prom. They wouldn’t do that, would they?

 **ROSE** : [PAYING, IS WEARING BUTTERFLY CLIPS AND MANY CURLS] God, I hope not. That would be so 2004.

**_//SCENE 3, FRONT PORCH//_ **

**LUKE SKYWALKER** , LEIA’S TWIN AND EVERYONE’S FAVORITE UNCLE: [answers door]

 **REY,** OPENING DOOR: Uncle Luke?? Hi, I uh...I didn’t know you were visiting.

 **LUKE** : Oh, my favorite niece!

 **REY** : I’m your only niece.

 **LUKE** : Same difference. Why are you so gussied up?

 **REY** : Prom is tonight. This is my friend, Rose.

 **ROSE** : [waves awkwardly]

 **LUKE** : Well, come on in. I just finished making tomato soup and grilled cheese.

REY: I'm starving!! I'll take you up on those.

 **ROSE** : Rey, we only have five hours left to put our makeup on.

 **REY** : It’s going to take me five minutes to eat a grilled cheese sandwich and a bowl of soup.

ROSE: Ugh, ok.

[CAMERA ZOOMS IN ON **LUKE** , WHO IS VERY CONFUSED] LUKE: Why is it going to take you five hours to put makeup on?

[CUT TO TALKING HEAD OF LUKE IN KITCHEN]

LUKE: Honestly. Five hours. It doesn’t make sense to me. It’s just mascara and eyeshadow. And foundation. And eyebrows… Okay, maybe it would take five hours to put all that on. I don’t know. I never had daughters.

**//SCENE 4, KITCHEN//**

REY, ROSE EATING; **HAN** COMES IN: Hey, kids. What happened to your hair?

 **REY** : Dad!

 **ROSE** [primly]: We went to the hair salon.

 **HAN** : Looks like you put a gallon of hairspray on it. [looks in camera] Aren’t you always going on about climate change? And aerosol? [BOTH LOOK GUILTY]

[CAMERA MOVES TO LUKE]

 **LUKE** : [cackles]Anyway Han, I got the family reunion place set up. Disneyland. Florida. Summer break. It’ll be great.

 **HAN** : Oh, great. My favorite thing. Theme parks and old men in shorts. [CAMERA ZOOMS IN ON HIS JORTS]

 **LUKE** [LOOKS IN CAMERA]. You’ll have a great time. Wedge got us a really good deal on the hotel floor and Rey and Ben can each bring a guest if they want!

 **HAN** : [tilts head] Hmm. Sounds good. I’ll let Rey know once prom is over.

[CAMERA MOVES OVER TO REY AND ROSE WHO ARE WALKING DOWN THE HALLWAY TO REY’S ROOM]

_[SPED UP MONTAGE OF THEM PUTTING MAKEUP ON; ADDING LAST-MINUTE BUTTERFLY CLIPS TO EACH OTHER'S HAIR]_

**//SCENE 5, LIVING ROOM//**

_LEIA, LUKE, HAN, BEN, REY, AND ROSE ARE ALL STANDING AROUND, WAITING. REY AND ROSE ARE BOTH IN THEIR GOWNS AND LOOK SPLENDID._

THE DOORBELL RINGS.

 **REY** : That’s probably Finn. Let me get that.

[DOOR OPENS]

 **FINN** STANDS THERE, STARING AT **REY** , WHO STARES BACK, FOR A GOOD 30 SECONDS.

 **LEIA** CAN BARELY COVER HER SMIRK. SHE RAISES HER POINT-AND-SHOOT CAMERA. THE FLASH GOES OFF]

 **REY** : Mom! Stop! [FREEZE FRAME OF PHOTO OF REY FLINCHING, FINN STILL STARING AT HER]

 **FINN** : H-hi. Uh...you guys ready?

 **REY/ROSE** : Yes.

 **LEIA** : Wait! I have to take pictures of all of you!

[MONTAGE OF INDIVIDUAL PICTURES AND COUPLE PICTURES, REY'S SMILE BECOMING INCREASINGLY FORCED]

 **REY** : Mom, we’re going to be late for our dinner reservation.

 **LEIA** : Just one more. You and Ben.

 **BEN/REY** : MOM!

[PHOTO OF REY WITH FORCED SMILE, BEN NOT SMILING]

 **LEIA** : You’ll be glad you have sibling photos one day.

[BOTH REY AND BEN ROLL EYES]

[REY, FINN, ROSE LEAVE; BEN DISAPPEARS TO BASEMENT]

 **LEIA** : Oh, Han. They’re so grown up.

 **HAN** : [somewhat choked up] When did she get so beautiful?

 **LUKE** : [choked up]

**//SCENE 6: PROM MONTAGE!//**

[REY AND FINN, SLOWDANCING, INAUDIBLE CONVERSATION.]

[VARIOUS KIDS SPIKING PUNCH.]

[ENGLISH TEACHER STARING SUSPICIOUSLY AROUND]

[ROSE, SLOWDANCING WITH ANOTHER GIRL FROM THE SOFTBALL TEAM]

CAMERA ZOOMS IN BEHIND REY, YOU CAN SEE FINN’S LIPS FORMING THE WORDS “I LIKE YOU A LOT”, AND THEN MAYBE A KISS. IT’S HARD TO SEE, DUE TO THE BACK OF REY’S HAIRDO BLOCKING EVERYTHING.

 

//CREDIT SCENE, SPLIT SCREEN WITH MONTAGE OF BEN BARING TEETH IN VICTORY AS HE BEATS A NEW LEVEL ON CALL OF DUTY]

_So there we have it, the prom chapter! From here on out we’re going to be expanding the characters a lot and it’ll still read like a tv script but there will be a lot more detail as we have more characters and humor included. My friends and I have 40+chapter ideas outlined, it’s just a matter of fleshing those out into chapters :) I want this to be a ridiculously humorous but also very sweet fic. Let me know if you have ideas for various characters or requests. I also do not plan to keep Ben as being a total gamer idiot, you will see some good things from him later on...just not yet ;_

 


	4. The One Where They All Wear Jorts at Disneyworld

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which the family goes to Florida and has many, many shenanigans.

_hi im here im alive,,,barely,,,, anyway here is some quality #content regarding our favorite family also I edited last chapter to fix some continuity errors like this trip is actually a summer trip and not a christmas trip anyway it is an epic two-parter with one part being posted tonight and the other part being posted SOON >:)_

**_[COLD OPEN, SOLO LIVING ROOM, PILED HIGH WITH SUITCASES]_ **

**REY** : Are you wearing _that_?!

 **HAN** : _[sitting in easy chair, reading newspaper whilst clad in cargo jorts, Pitt Panthers Sugar Bowl'76 t-shirt and white socks pulled up with New Balance shoes]_ W-wearing what?

 **BEN** : _[slouching mopily on couch, playing on his 3DS, clad in red skinny jeans, Vans, and Good Charlotte t-shirt]_ Wearing what?

 **REY** : Ugh, you're so embarrassing. Both of you. I have to go call Finn.

_[THEME SONG PLAYS]_

_REY'S ROOM, TALKING ON PHONE WITH FINN:_

**REY** : I'm so excited you're coming to Florida with us! It's going to be such an amazing vacation.

 **FINN, OVER PHONE:** Yeah, it'll be great. You think we'll be able to get any alone time?

 **REY** : [snorts] [looks in camera] Well, uh....I could arrange some.....alone time. I know what I'll do. [smirks]

 **FINN** : I trust you. See you in 20 minutes.

 **REY** : [hangs up]

_TWENTY MINUTES LATER:_

_**LUKE** HAS ARRIVED WITH HUSBAND **WEDGE** , **LEIA** IS IN A PANIC RUNNING AROUND TRYING TO MAKE SURE EVERYONE'S GOT THEIR STUFF, **FINN** IS SITTING UNCOMFORTABLY NEXT TO **BEN** , **REY** IS ROLLING HER EYES AT SOMETHING, HAN IS SOMEWHERE ELSE, AND IT IS PANDEMONIUM_

**LEIA** : Everyone shut up! Get in a line! Make sure you have one carryon and everything else is in your bag. Whatever you forget, you'll just have to do without or buy there.

 **LUKE** : Leia, chill. It's going to be a wonderful trip and you need to relax. 

 **LEIA** [ _dangerously_ ]: Don't tell me to relax.

 **HAN, ENTERING LIVING ROOM** : Okay, Maz is here with the van. Make sure you thank her, kids. It's real nice of her to drive us to the airport.

_[CUT TO DASHBOARD CAM IN 15-PASSENGER VAN]_

**MAZ** : I've never been filmed driving a car before. This is weird. [adjusts huge glasses]

 **HAN** : Well, we're very grateful that you're driving us all to the airport. Very kind of you.

 **MAZ** : Not a problem. [swerves sharply]

 **LEIA** : [looks ill]

 **REY** : Cool! This is like bumper cars!

 **FINN** : Yeah, except we're on country roads.

_MONTAGE OF WINDING ROADS, SHARP SWERVES, FINN/HAN/BEN ASLEEP AGAINST WINDOW_

_SEVERAL HOURS LATER, AT FRONT OF AIRPORT:_

**HAN** : Ok, guys. This is it. [waves at camera guys] See you in Flo--oh? You're coming on the plane too? Okay.

 **LEIA** : They'll be up front with us while the kids are in coach.

 **REY** : What?!

 **FINN** : Hey, we get some alone time.

 **REY** : Coach is **not** alone time!

* * *

 

 _[TALKING HEAD OUTSIDE BATHROOM, CLEARLY FROM SOMEONE'S PHONE CAMERA]_ **REY** : Maybe I should've invited Rose instead. There's no way we're going to get any quality couple time. And coach? Seriously?

 _[TALKING HEAD OUTSIDE BATHROOM, CLEARLY FROM ANOTHER PHONE CAMERA]_ **FINN, STANDING NEXT TO BEN** : Man, I'm so excited. Beaches, Harry Potter World—shut up Ben, I know it's called "Wizarding World"—quality time with my girlfriend...this is going to be a great vacation. Even if we don't get any alone time.

 **LEIA, TALKING TO HAN WHILE SITTING BY THE GATE** : It'll be nice to sit in the sun, catch up on my reading that I never got to do as a senator.

 **HAN** : You haven't been a senator for ten years, Leia.

 **LEIA** : Well, I was busy raising children. What were you doing, Han?

 **HAN** : [rolls eyes] Fixing cars.

_[CUT TO COACH SECTION OF PLANE]_

_REY, BEN AND FINN ARE ALL IN A SECTION; BEN IS SAT BETWEEN REY AND FINN. REY IS CLEARLY DISGRUNTLED BY THIS_

**REY:** Ben, can't we swiiiiiitch? Please? I'll never make fun of your Andrew Jackson poster again.

 **BEN** : I'll consider it.

 **FINN** : You better consider fast, before we take off.

 **BEN** : Ugh, fine. You two better not do anything gross.

 **REY** : Define gross.

 **BEN** : You're existing. That's gross.

 **REY** : Ugh, I hope you get sucked out the window.

 **BEN** : [smirks]

 **FINN** : This is why I'm glad I'm an only child.

_[BEN AND REY SWITCH SEATS, REST OF FLIGHT IS NOT TERRIBLE]_

_[CUT TO FIRST CLASS, LEIA IS RECLINED HAPPILY, HAN IS READING USA TODAY FOR ONCE INSTEAD OF THE PITTSBURGH POST-GAZETTE, AND LUKE IS WATCHING "UP" AND CRYING WHILE WEDGE HOLDS HIS HAND]_

* * *

 

_THREEISH HOURS LATER EVERYONE LANDS, AND IS NOW AT THE BAGGAGE CAROUSEL_

**BEN** : [filled with rage] Where's my bag? Where's my bag? It's been fifteen minutes!

 **REY** : Give it a couple more go-rounds. Look, there it is. 

 **BEN, RETRIEVING BAG** : Well, I don't see yours yet.

 **REY** : It'll be here. There it is! 

 **HAN** : Everyone have their bags?

 **LUKE** : Okay, we need to go get our rental car. 

 **BEN** : I'm going to die if it's a minivan.

 **FINN** : [looks in camera] Dude, You drive a golf cart.

 **BEN** : [rage]

 **LEIA** : Calm down. We are not renting a minivan.

_[CUT TO PARKING LOT, LUKE AND WEDGE HAVE RENTED A WHITE WINDOWLESS 15-PASSENGER VAN]_

**WEDGE** : We got a great deal on this one. Barely driven, great mileage.

 **FINN** : [under breath, looks furtively at camera] I wonder why.

 **LEIA** : Why didn't you rent a minivan!? 

 **HAN** : Help me load up the van, son.

_[BOTH FINN AND BEN HELP LOAD VAN]_

**REY** : I hope no one got murdered in this car.

 **LUKE** : Relaaaax. No one's been murdered in this van. Rey, I'll give you a job. Get the hotel address in your GPS.

 **REY** : [pulls phone out] Oh my god, we're staying at the Little Mermaid one!!!! 

 **BEN** : Please kill me so I no longer have to be a part of this thing.

 **FINN** : [grabs phone from REY] Cool, the beds are shell-shaped.

 **LEIA** : You and Finn are very much sleeping in separate beds.

 **BEN** : But... you only got us kids one room... but...

 **LEIA** : You'll be fine.

_[CREDITS ROLL UP HALF SCREEN, WITH OTHER HALF OF SCREEN SHOWING FINN AND REY JUMPING ON LITTLE-MERMAID-THEMED SHELL BED, WITH BEN SITTING ON OTHER BED STARING AIMLESSLY INTO SPACE]_

 

**Okay, next chapter contains park exploration, more suffering for Ben (is this how he becomes supreme lord destroyer of worlds? little mermaid beds??), and general wholesomeness. Leave reviews and tell me what you want to see featured!!**


	5. The One Where They All Wear Matching Shirts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> it's disneyland, what else does a family do other than wear matching shirts

_hi here is some more finnrey content to soothe your souls, im trying to write the formatting more consistently_

**[COLD OPEN, THE NEXT MORNING, LITTLE MERMAID HOTEL LOBBY]**

**LUKE _[WITH BACK TO CAMERA, HOLDING FLIP PHONE, WEARING PINK "IF LOST, RETURN TO WEDGE" SHIRT]_ :  **I told everyone to be down here at 8. It is 8:03. Unacceptable. 

 **WEDGE, [BACK TO CAMERA, WEARING PINK"I AM WEDGE" SHIRT"]:** You know, we’re on vacation, dear. Chillaaaaaax.

 **LUKE** : I- I can’t relax if you’re going to use that word.

_[THEY TURN AROUND, REVEALING THE FRONT OF THE SHIRTS: SKYWALKER-SOLO FAMILY DISNEYWORLD EXTRAVAGANZA SUMMER BREAK 20 [IT CREASES SO WE CAN'T SEE WHAT YEAR IT IS]_

**CUT TO LUKE: TALKING HEAD:** I love Wedge dearly. Deeply. He's the love of my life. But there's certain words I can't tolerate. Like [DISDAINFULLY USES FINGER QUOTES] "chillax".

**THEME SONG**

_**[CUT TO BEN/REY/FINN'S HOTEL ROOM: SCENE 1]** _

_[CAMERA ZOOMS IN ON BEN, LYING RESOLUTELY ON HIS SIDE AT THE VERY RIGHT EDGE OF THE BED ON TOP OF THE COMFORTER, ARMS AND LEGS COMPLETELY RIGID, WHILE FINN SNOOZES COMFORTABLY ON THE LEFT SIDE, INSIDE THE COMFORTER, WITH HIS FACE IN THE PILLOW]_

**REY _[CLEARLY WOKE UP AN HOUR AGO, DRESSED AND READY]_** : Ugh, Ben, it's not going to kill you if you accidentally touch him. Get up, we were supposed to be downstairs for breakfast like, ten minutes ago.

 **BEN _[MONOTONE]_** : I can't move until he moves. I'm in agony.

 **REY** : Did you even sleep?

 **BEN** : Not mu-

 **FINN** : _ **[SUDDENLY AWAKE, INTERRUPTING BEN]** _ Yeah, I slept great, is it time for breakfast?

 **REY** : We were supposed to be downstairs ten minutes ago. Go put some clothes on, I want to eat as fast as possible so we can get to Harry Potter World!

 **BEN, _[FINALLY OFF BED], HEADING TOWARD BATHROOM WHERE YOU CAN SEE AN ARIEL SHOWER CURTAIN AND A SHELL-SHAPED TOILET_ :**  You mean the Wizarding World of Harry Potter.

FINN: Well, I'm getting dressed before I eat anything. See you downstai-[REY IS ALREADY GONE]

_**SCENE 2:** BREAKFAST, DINING AREA OF LITTLE MERMAID HOTEL. FAMILY IS GATHERED AT SEVERAL TABLES PUSHED TOGETHER_

**LEIA** : I slept wonderfully. I'm glad we picked this hotel this time around, the beds are far better than the Toy Story hotel.

 **HAN** : I don't know, I think you liked the beds just fine last time. [SCOUNDRELISH SMILE]

**REY/BEN: _[EXPRESSIONS OF GENERAL DISGUST AND/OR HORROR]_**

**LUKE _[LOOKS IN CAMERA, PRETENDING HE HEARD NOTHING]:_** Okay, uh, game plan for the day. After we eat up, we're going to spend the morning at the Wizarding World of Harry Potter--

 **BEN _[UNDER HIS BREATH]_** : Told you.

 **REY _[UNDER HER BREATH]_** : Shut up.

 **FINN _[UNDER HIS BREATH]:_** Both of you shut up.

 **LUKE** : Then we will dine at either the Leaky Cauldron or somewhere else and then we'll come back to the hotel and swim in the pool, after our stomachs have settled--

 **WEDGE** : Or whenever you like.

 **LUKE** : Or whenever you like. We will all meet back here for dinner. Tuesday we'll go to the Hollywood Studios for a Frozen Sing-a-Long, and then Splash Mountain--

 **BEN** : I forgot my swim trunks.

 **LEIA** : We'll find you some in the Disney store.

 **BEN** : God, I hope they're not Mickey Mouse ones.

 **LUKE, SIGHING** : Then after Splash Mountain we'll go to wherever anyone wants to go, because I gave up planning the week out after this point in my spreadsheet.

 **LEIA: [ _SINGSONGY_ ]** Should’ve had me plaaaaaan.

 **HAN** : _[LOOKS IN CAMERA, SUBTLY SHAKES HEAD, LEIA SEES, FROWNS]_

 **WEDGE** : Well, we can just play it by ear. Once everyone’s done eating, let’s get whatever we need for the day and then head out.

_[EVERYONE GETS UP]_

_**[CUT TO REY/FINN/BEN’S HOTEL ROOM]** _

**REY** : Okay, got what we need. Finn, do you think we can split off from everyone?

 **FINN** : _[looks around, BEN is in the bathroom with the door closed]_ I think we can split off in Diagon Alley. Unless you want to just do it at the gate?

 **REY** : Sounds good to me.

_**SCENE 3: WIZARDING WORLD OF HARRY POTTER, ENTRANCE, WHERE EVERYONE [CLAD IN MATCHING PINK SKYWALKER-SOLO SHIRTS] BUT WEDGE AND LUKE ARE GATHERED, WAITING FOR THEM TO CATCH UP PRESUMABLY; REY IS IN THE MIDDLE OF EXPLAINING THE ENTIRE PLOT OF HARRY POTTER TO HER DAD** _

**HAN** : Okay, I don’t understand any of this and couldn’t even if I tried. What’s the house with the bear?

 **REY** : That’s a badger, Dad. Hufflepuff House is the one with the badger and Finn is totally in Hufflepuff—

 **FINN** : No, Pottermore said I was Gryffindor.

 **REY** : [ _EYEROLLS_ ] Totally a Hufflepuff. You just don't see it.

 **HAN** : Oh. That makes more sense. Slytherin is the one with the snake, which is the house that Leia’s in—

 **LEIA:** _[ **GLARE** ]_

 **WEDGE/LUKE:** [15 MINUTES LATE WITH STARBUCKS] Here we are!

 **REY** : Finn and I want to go on the uh, rides. See you later!

_[TAKES FINN’S HAND, RUSHES OFF BEFORE ANYONE CAN SAY ANYTHING]_

**LEIA** : That’s that, then. Ben, I found you some board shorts at the gift shop. I put them in your suitcase before we left the hotel.

 **BEN** : They better not be Mickey Mouse.

 **LEIA** : **_[LOOKS IN CAMERA, WE GET THE SENSE THAT THEY ARE MUCH WORSE THAN JUST MICKEY MOUSE BOARD SHORTS]_**

 **HAN:** Anyway. Let’s go explore. **[ _TAKES LEIA'S HAND_ ]**

_**[ENTIRE GROUP SETS OFF, MONTAGE OF THEM RIDING RIDES, LOOKING AROUND SHOPS, PLAYING WITH WANDS, BEN SITTING MOROSELY IN FRONT OF A BUTTERBEER]** _

_**SCENE 4: IN FRONT OF A HARRY POTTER DISPLAY IN A SHOP ** _

**FINN** : Rey, I think we should date.

_[CAMERA ZOOMS IN ON INTERTWINED HANDS, PANS QUICKLY UP TO REY’S FACE]_

**REY** : A-Aren’t we dating already?

 **FINN** : No, I mean like DATE. Like officially date. I never asked you to be my girlfriend.

 **REY** : [SOMEWHAT FLABBERGASTED] I guess you never did. I thought I became your girlfriend when you asked me to prom.

 **FINN** : Oh. Well, that settles that then. You’re officially my girlfriend now.

 **REY** : And you’re my boyfriend.

_[THEY SMILE, IT IS SO SWEET THAT WE ALL GET CAVITIES]_

_[CAMERA PANS TO AND ZOOMS IN ON CLERK WHO IS FROWNING AT THEM]_

REY: Oh, sorry. Didn’t realize we were blocking a display. [THEY MOVE]

_**SCENE 5: [CUT TO EVERYONE BACK TOGETHER AT DINNER]** _

**LUKE** : How was your day, everyone?

**_[EVERYONE ANSWERS AT DIFFERENT INTERVALS WITH VARYING RESPONSES OF ‘FINE’, ‘GREAT’, ‘TERRIBLE]_ **

**REY** : Finn and I are officially dating now.

 **HAN** : _[CHOKES SLIGHTLY]_

 **LEIA** : _[BEAMS]_

 **WEDGE** : That’s great!

 **BEN** : Gross, now you’re going to be even happier.

 **FINN** : I’m honored to be part of this family.

 **HAN** : Glad to have you, son.

 **REY** : It’s great, isn’t it?

_**CUT TO END THEME SONG WITH CREDITS ON ONE HALF OF SCENE, OTHER HALF IS A MONTAGE OF EVERYONE AT POOL, SPLASHING, PLAYING AROUND, BEN SULLENLY WEARING FROZEN BOARD SHORTS WITH OLAF ON THEM, AND EVERYONE IS HAVING A GREAT TIME ALL AROUND]** _

 

There we have it, the Disneyland chapter! I contemplated writing a second day of everyone going on rides and stuff but unless you want a three parter (or a second Disney vacation…hehe) I decided not to. I wanted to start getting more involved in actual stories and not just the humor ☺ Let me know what you want to see!


End file.
